50 Best Funny quotes and sayings

We all need a little laughter in our lives now and again, which is why funny quotes and sayings are proving so incredibly popular with the online/social networking communities as of late. People say that laughter is the best medicine and they could quite very well be right. Funny quotes have the ability to make us smile, to make us giggle, to make us laugh, and to even break down into hysterics of laughter with tears streaming down our faces. It feels good to laugh which only goes to prove that great humour is hard to beat. Having the ability to make people laugh is something not to be taken lightly, and it is certainly not something that should be underestimated. Comedians make a living from making people laugh, which goes to show what an awesome and incredible art it really is. If you’re looking to make your friends and family laugh, or even if you’re simply looking for ways of cheering yourself up and putting a smile on your own face, take a look at these several funny quotes and sayings, share them with friends, family, even complete strangers, and make somebody’s day that little bit more enjoyable in the process.

50 Funny quotes and sayings

Funny love quotes – Funny Quotes About Love

1. Women are meant to be loved, not understood – Oscar Wilde

Funny quotes and sayings image

Funny quotes and sayings image

 

 This funny quote from the great Oscar Wilde, is a play on the fact that women’s emotions and at times hormones, have been known to cause them to react in, shall we say, slightly erratic manners.

2.  I love you like a fat kid loves cake – Scott Adams

Although obesity is no laughing matter, you have to admit that this quote from Scott Adams is pretty hilarious, and self explanatory.

3. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

Of course not all couples lie to each other but many of them do, shall we say, embellish the truth at times.

4. Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop. – 30 Rock

Some people believe that in order to keep our partners interested in us, we need to come across as as flawless as we can possibly be, and if that means putting on a false facade, then so be it.

5. It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. – Lucille Ball

This clever play on words talks about the fact that we don’t always fall in love with the love of our lives right away, sometimes it takes a little time to get to know them first.

6. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

Love can be tricky, and all relationships will go through tough times every now and again. Sometimes falling in love can do more harm than good, but for many, it’s a risk that they’re willing to take.

7. Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. – Natasha Leggero

If we’re truly in love with somebody we should be able to be open and honest with them and tell them how things are and say things as we see them.

8. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

Although the saying goes that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, at the end of the day we’re all human, we all come from the same place, and we are, to some degree, all equals.

9. I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. – Unknown

Obviously stalking is never endorsed as this is a humorous joke and nothing more, talking about the fact that we can’t always make people feel the same way about us as we do about them.

10. First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time. – Honore de Balzac

Love is again difficult, and this quote talks about how some people who have previous bad relationship experiences may be put off from getting into further relationships.

 Funny birthday quotes – Funny Quotes About Birthday

11. A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it. – R. C. Ferguson

When we’re children we love to play in the mud, splashing through puddles, so when we avoid them rather than jump in them, perhaps we have matured.

12. Age is a number and yours is unlisted. – Anon

This funny quote basically talks about how age doesn’t matter yet some people choose to hide it, all the while implying that the person in question is so old that there is no number for their real age.

13. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Jack Benny

It doesn’t matter how old we are, as long as we feel great, take care of ourselves, have fun, and don’t obsess over a number, it really does not matter in the slightest.

14. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. – Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

Of course whilst it makes perfect sense, this quote is still very humorous and is perhaps observational comedy at its finest.

15. A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun.  Enjoy the trip. – Anon

Every year we grow a little older, yet many of us feel depressed and upset as we grow older. Instead, rather than obsessing over our age, we should simply just have fun instead.

16. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Sir Norman Wisdom

 The great Norman Wisdom here, making a gag about how when we grow older and middle age sets in, our cognitive functions tend to become affected and we find ourselves becoming more forgetful and absent minded.

 17. Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. –  Herbert Asquith

 This is another funny quote referencing old age, this time comparing it to being younger, fitter, healthier, and more vibrant as a whole. Unfortunately old age affects us all at some point, which is perhaps even more reason to take better care of ourselves.

 18. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost

 Women are sensitive about their age, at least, that is how the cliche goes, which is why it is commonly known that a man should never ask a woman her age. Despite that, women love being spoilt, so if you spoil her with flowers and gifts but don’t talk about her age, you’re onto a real winner.

 19. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. – Erma Bombeck

 This funny  quote talks about how it is believed than men generally suck at purchasing gifts for special occasions, with the electric skillet being no exception in this case.

 20. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake. – Unknown Author

 Who here doesn’t love cake? Not many of you that’s for sure, so if you get an excuse to eat cake, you should do just that.

 Funny inspirational quotes:

21. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

Although Steve Martin is again using observational and dry humour, he’s also talking about how a day with no happiness or joy, which is represented by the sunshine, can make you down and miserable, represented by the darkness of night.

22. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carlin

This Funny quote is a bit of a mind trip as although failure is failing, if you intend to fail, even though you’ve failed, you’ve succeeded. Confused? Read it back a few times and you’ll get it.

23. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. – Jack London

If you want to find true inspiration, don’t let it come to you, instead, go after it yourself and do all that you can to find it in order to become as successful as you can possibly be.

24. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

Donald Trump here, talking about how you should always set your goals, sights, and targets as high as you possibly can as that is the best way to achieve true success.

25. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler

In order to find the best opportunities we need not to wait for them, but instead to go out there and do all that we can to make things happen for ourselves.

26. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

This Inspirational quote here from Will Rogers is talking about how even though we may be doing things correctly, if we wish to be truly successful, we need to not just sit around, but to instead dedicate as much of our time to achieving our goals as we possibly can.

27. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

This quote again talks about living in the moment and how hard work may not be easy, but it is sometimes necessary if we wish to achieve our various goals and targets in life.

28. Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell. – Bill Copeland

This quote, which is short and simple, talks about how we need to believe in ourselves, be self confident, and comfortable in our own skin. We shouldn’t pretend to be something that we’re not, instead we should just be ourselves, and if people don’t like it then who the heck cares?

29. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

Sewers are generally unpleasant as we know primarily what is found in them. However, occasionally slightly nicer things may be found down there, like sentimental jewellery or money perhaps. Life is the same thing, if you’re negative and counter-productive, you get very little from it, but if you’re positive and productive, you get far more.

30. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

This quote is talking about the fact that when our motivation levels do drop, rather than simply moving on to something else, or hoping that they return, we should instead do all that we can to help them return to us instead.

Funny life quotes – Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life 

31. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy’s Law

This quote talks about how sometimes people can take the easy way out, and so if something requires extra work, they’d rather take the easy route than see for themselves.

32. If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

 This quote talks about how we should always strive to be the best that we can be and that we should never give up. If we can’t do something, rather than just simply quitting, we should instead learn how to do it.

33. How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François VI de la Rochefoucault

 This quote here is perhaps a play on absent mindedness and how some people are prone to repeat the same stories over and over again, even to people who have heard the same stories on numerous occasions.

34. The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

 This is another dry and observational quote talking about how if we set out to do something, a vast majority of the time that is exactly what we will do.

 35. What you discover about life’s shell game is that it’s hardest to follow the pea when you’re the pea. ~Robert Brault

This quote here talks about how for many, life can be difficult, yet we still emulate those around us, even those that have suffered at times.

36. An unwatched pot boils immediately. ~H.F. Ellis

 People say that a watched pot never boils, so if we don’t watch it, it will boil immediately, at least, that’s what this quote is talking about, or more specifically how if we find other things to pass the time rather than waiting, time will move much faster.

37. If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner

This is a quote about irony and how if you don’t want something to happen, there’s a strong chance that it in fact will happen.

 38. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

 We laugh at clip shows where people slip and fall over, yet if it happened to us, it would hurt and would perhaps become much less funny.

39. When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown

 Again, this quote here talks about sod’s law and how you can guarantee that when you’re late, everyone else is on time, yet when you’re on time, everyone else will be late.

Funny friendship quotes – Funny Quotes About friendShip

40. One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention. – Clifton Fadiman

This quote talks about how true friendships can last years, even lifetimes, and how so many experiences will have been shared, that some of them, years down the line, may seem pointless.

41. It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’ – A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

This quote here talks about how when we find people with the same likes and interests as us, we immediately strike up bonds and friendships.

42. Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. – Greg Tamblyn

This is a quote talking about how friends will accept you regardless of your flaws.

43. It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

If you called most people at 4 a.m. they’d be furious, but if you have a friend you can call at that time, you know you’re made it.

44. Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry. – Anon

When we find true friends, we think of them as family and so if somebody or something hurts them, we want to get even and help them get redemption in the process.

45. You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang. – Anon

This quote talks about how even though two best friends will be two people, with their bonds and combined knowledge, skills, life experience, and expertise, all of their attributes can make them just as efficient as a small gang made up of several people.

46. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

True friends will stick with you through the good times and the bad. Some people only want to be there for you when things are going smoothly, yet true friends will stick with you through thick and thin and if that means they suffer in the process, then so be it.

47. A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. – Bernard Meltzer

True friends will accept you for all of your flaws, and possibly even slightly “unique” tendencies and if anything, will appreciate you even more.

48. Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality. – W.H. Auden

This quote here talks about how friends can have different likes and dislikes and can bicker over even the most trivial of matters, but that doesn’t matter as they will still be friends at the end of the day.

49.One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements. – Marcelene Cox

This quote here is humorous as it talks about how passionate some women can be over things they hold near and dear, which in this case, is represented by flowers.

50. Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected. – Charles Lamb

This next quote talks about how we can be odd, bizarre, and unique at times, yet there are certain limits and boundaries that must be respected.

 

And that pretty much wraps that up. Hopefully the funny quotes and sayings listed above made you laugh so much a little pee came out, only a little, mind, otherwise that would be pretty gross. It’s good to laugh, and if you can’t laugh, what can you do? The world can be a pretty depressing place at times, but remember that there are always good times to be had and there are always times of happiness and joy to reflect upon. By sharing these funny, even hilarious quotes with you, hopefully we’ve made the world a little bit more fun and enjoyable for you in the process. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so the next time you’re feeling down, look at something, read something, or do something that makes you laugh and you’ll be amazed by just how much better you feel.

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